Just when I’m starting to feel normal again, I had to go in for my blood work today. In 3 sleeps I will be back in the chemo chair for another dose of poison. PoisonS! I’m not going to lie, I started feeling pretty sorry for myself. I started thinking about how sick I got and dread pored over me. Then my office door opened and a customer I’d talked to earlier came in to pay his bill. He was very nice and I realized my 5 star customer wasn’t coming through. I wasn’t being me! I apologized and took his payment. Then he asked me if I was ok. I said, ” if I’m not, I will be.” We talked about our families, ups and downs and I told him what was going on with me and he offered to pray for me. I then offered to pray for his brother who he told me has turned away from God. I wrote his brothers name (Brian) in my personal journal. We talked a few more minutes and I realized my spirits had been lifted. We spoke about people who have no faith and how do they deal with the troubles when they come. What do you have without faith? You have fear. Where does Satan live? In your fear! Well I’m not going to be driven by fear. I’m hear to tell you, it is by Grace I have and will be saved! There is no other way I’ll have it.

And my day just got better from there! My two eldest, Joey and Melanie, came to see me. And my sweet granddaughter too. It was nice to have them there although they didn’t stay long. I sat there the rest of the day and thought about the crazy mix of emotions I had just experienced and how grateful I was that the negative feeling had been nipped in the bud right away. It is in our own doing, our thinking, our make up to live a positive life or a negative life. And when negative or bad things come our way it’s how we handle them that shows ourselves and others who we are. I will not let this bump in my journey change who I have worked so hard to become. My mentor has taught me to have no emotion. When good things happen use them for a catalyst to move forward and when bad things happen, show no emotion, don’t let it effect the person I’ve come to be. Don’t let it take me backwards…use it for a catalyst to move possibly in a different direction but keep moving forward. Moving backwards is not an option. And as long as I’m upright, I will fight this with Grace, faith and positive thinking until I’m on the other side of this bump in my journey.

Now I’m not saying there won’t be challenges along the way. I know next week and in the weeks to come I’m not going to feel good some days. In those times, I think I’ll take a nap! Maybe for 2 days like last week! Nothing negative ever came from a nap that I can recall!

Stay positive my friends and maybe someone will see you and say…I want what they’ve got.

Be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme

So today was my best day since last Wednesday when the chemo took me down the dark path called “what’s happened to my world”? I felt good when I got up this morning, took a shower, got ready and attempted to be in Huntersville at 10:30. It’s only 17 miles from my house and should take about 30 minutes or less. But not this time. I get to I77 and Langtree and the traffic going south is stopped. So I do a U-turn to go the back road and realize several people have decided to do the same. I had already call the Toyota service department to tell them I was running about 10 minutes late and now I had to call them again to make sure they would take me if I’m 30 minutes late. They said yes come on in. So I’m running all the back road I know of and arrive at 11:02. I told the guy I was sorry for being late AND late for getting the maintenance check and he was very kind. Rylee had gone off to scout out the car lot and I sat down and crocheted. It took just about an hour and we were done and on our way to have lunch with Kathy at Cafe 100. She had a burger, Rylee had a wrap and I had chicken salad on grilled sourdough…yes it was delicious! It’s always nice to catch up with you Kathy and thank you again for lunch!

She had to go to an appointment and I was being called to the Tuesday Morning. There are always fun finds in this store! But luckily for my pocketbook I started feeling really tired and was ready to go home for a nap before dinner. But I had a return to take back to JoAnn’s and had to get something for dinner. I realized I still had my daughter car seat and so we went to the Neighborhood Market where she works to get some burger for meatloaf and to give Mel back Lia’s seat. We weren’t there very long but I was wiped out. We drove home and I helped Rylee put the meatloaf together and I went to lay down while he got it ready and put it in the oven. I asked him to just let me sleep about 20. minutes so I could fix the rest of dinner.

After dinner Terry and Rylee took my old washer and dryer out and replaced it with my dads set. There’s a guy Terry works with who’s dryer just broke so he offered him the old set. I guess I fell asleep because before I knew it it was all out of the house and they were getting ready to bring in the others. I quickly cleaned the floor and went back to the sofa. I did t feel bad, just tired. I’d have to say outside if the steroid induced day after chemo, this has been the best day I’ve had so far. I’m so grateful to finally have a good day. Even with the nausea, I’m going to try to find something good about my day, EVERYDAY!

Side note: On my Facebook post yesterday I said how much Rylee has helped me while I’m home and Terry’s at work. Well, his brother Joey posted a thank you to Rylee for being there for me and he said he was proud of him. This really touched Rylee and made him feel good! Then his sisters Melanie and Brittney posted like comments. Thanks for doing that guys, I could see the confidence in him all day today. Sometimes just a few kind words of affirmation is all it takes to make some ones day!

So now it’s almost 10:30. I’ve taken a couple of G-Clear to relax and get a good nights sleep for Hi Ho Hi Ho it’s off to work I go tomorrow!

Y’all be blessed!

Diana

#standbyme

It’s been an interesting couple of days. Monday I went to work. I felt ok during the day and had to go finish cleaning my dads to be done with it forever! I met Terry and Rylee there and we ate Subway together before they went to Boy Scouts. They left and I finished and left as well. I ran an errand and headed to the Verizon store to get Terry a new phone. He had a 5s it was having issues so I got him a 7. By the time I got home I was ready for bed but waited for them to get home. Terry worked on backing up his old phone and We sat talking about our days and what’s coming up and I totally forgot to write my blog. By the time he went to bed, I was ready to go to bed too and it just slipped my mind.

One thing that did happen yesterday was I got a call from my nurse navigator. She was just checking up on me. Oh maybe I should explain what a nurse navigator is. “They are a registered nurse with, in my case, oncology specific clinical knowledge who offer individualized assistance to patients, families and care givers to overcome healthcare system barriers.” At least that’s what the internet says and what that means I do t know. Molly is my nurse navigator and I met her the day I went to see the surgeon. She introduced herself and gave me a folder with some information and places to find help and her phone number. She said to call her anytime with any questions. She was at the hospital the day my port was put in too. Then yesterday she called to check on me since I’d just had my first treatment. So I told her how I’d been feeling. Monday and Tuesday I was fine but everyday since I’ve not felt to go. Wednesday and Thursday was awful, Friday and Saturday I worked but was not feeling good after work and through the night. Saturday night and Sunday early I got no sleep and my stomach was churning. Molly said that all sounded pretty on target. She said with the high dose of steroids I was given pre-chemo, I was probably feeling really good Monday and Tuesday…but it was also the reason I couldn’t sleep for a few nights. She said most of the people she’s dealt with have had bouts with nausea for several days after chemo. Some 7 to 10 days. But she said I might be dehydrated too and I should drink lots of fluids and very little caffeine. Last night I didn’t sleep much either and today was the day I was going over to help my dad hang pictures and go to lunch with him. Oh and his favorite past time…Walmart to watch the people while I shop.

It wasn’t a bad morning. I wasn’t 100% but not too bad. Rylee and I delivered honey and headed to my dads place. We took in a bunch of stuff and hung several pictures. Then it was time for lunch. Dad wanted Italian so we went to Pomodoros across from Walmart. What they didn’t know was Lia was coming to join us. She hasn’t been with me for 3 weeks and I was excited she was coming to spend the day with me. Dad and Rylee ate pasta, Lia had a mini pizza and I had a sub. By the end of lunch I wasn’t feeling so hot. It’s almost like motion sickness. But we went to Walmart anyway to get what dad needed. ⚠️ Well, 1/2 way through our shopping trip I started getting that churning stomach I told you about the other night and took off for the bathroom. NOTHING😡 We finished and took my dad home. I wasn’t feeling good at all! I sat in his apartment until I felt better and then Rylee, Lia and I went to Publix. In the middle of Publix wham again and off to find the bathroom…NOTHING AGAIN!😤😡😤 I asked Rylee if he would fix dinner tonight and he said yes. He found a recipe card for bbq chicken, got all the ingredients came home and as I relaxed, he made blueberry bbq sauce and grilled chicken breast and 2 skewers of veggies we found pre prepared. I really did t feel like eating but OMG was it good. The chicken was tender and juicy and I did manage to eat a little bit of chicken. Thanks Rylee, it really was amazing! So as I finish this blog, it’s almost 9pm and I’m just really tired so I’ll proof this and say good night and thanks for checking in. I hope someone reads this thing. I said the other day, I’ve never had anyone in my life who had breast cancer and I was part of their journey, so I’m learning as I go. So I’d say if this blog helps just one person then it’s done what I set out to do. If you’re following this blog I’d love to know I’m not wasting my time!

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers for my family through this time. And as always,

be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme

I was in bed for about an hour last night when things got ugly. They warned me that either constipation or diarrhea could become part of my life. I just didn’t know it would all happen at one time! I guess because it hadn’t happened yet I just thought it had passed me by. But last night something came alive inside me and I was up all night long. My stomach hurt so bad and I could not get any thing to pass. And the harder I try the worse it got. It took me all night to go from constipated to brown water (can’t say I didn’t warn you) and feeling like I needed to throw up the whole time. My alarm went off to get ready for Church at 6am and I told Terry I wasn’t going to make it. I let my boss know I wasn’t going to make it to work and I went back to bed until 2:30pm. I got up and tried to do a few things including cook dinner but every few minutes I had to go sit or lay down. At about 7:45. I took a shower and I’ll be going back to bed. I hope and pray I make it to work tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted.

Lol my husband just asked me if I wanted to ride with him to the store. Mind you, I’m in my pajamas. I said no I don’t feel like getting dressed. He said, you don’t have to go in, I’ll only be a minute. So I said ok, thinking we were just going down the street to Food Lion. Nope… here’s where I’m sitting.

Good night!

Be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme

Although I had 6 units to clean I only got through 4. It was too hot and I just didn’t want to feel like I did yesterday! So I will pace myself and do what I can when I can and not over do it again. As much as I felt good today I could feel how the heat and the doing was going to do me in if I didn’t stop. I guess this will be my new norm. As I’ve said before I’ve read several blogs from people who have had chemo and no 2 reacted the same way. Everyone’s reaction was so different so there’s no way to gage how someone’s going to feel. Everyone’s chemo treatments are different with different meds. I read about a lady who had triple negative breast cancer and taking the same drugs I’m taking but she never lost her hair…on her head! I’ll stop there. So to say things will get better or worse, I don’t know. I’ll just have to play the hand I’m dealt and hold my poker face.

I just hung up with my daughter, Brittney and she kept telling me how brave I am. I said, no I’m really not. I’m really a chicken sh!t because I’m scared to death. And she fussed at me and said I was the bravest woman she knows. That made me feel good to know she sees me that way. I guess I could be a pile of sniveling snot crying poor pitiful me! But where would that get me. I’ve chosen to be strong. I’ve chosen to face this with confidence and faith. I’ve chosen to fight this battle with honor and Grace and I thank everyone who keeps reminding me. Please don’t stop! AND if you see me heading down the sniveling snot road please snap me out of it. I mean I know I’m going to have ups and downs but I have to continue to see the blessings coming from this devil in my body.

It’s late and I have to get up really early for Church and work so I’m going to keep this short. Thank you for all of your prayers! PLEASE…

Be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme

I didn’t feel real good this morning but after laying in bed for 2 days I decided it was time to try to go back amoung the living. I stopped at Chick Fil A (yes we like this restaurant and they use non GMOed chickens) for a couple of scrambled eggs and an OJ. After not eating much for the last 2 days, I was hangry! I got to work and ate a few bites of my eggs but they just weren’t tasting very good. I could have downed a gallon of the OJ though. I don’t drink juice much. Too much added sugar but that hit the spot. I almost left to go get more.

By about 11:15, I was feeling sick again so I pulled out my 2 nausea meds to see which one I should take. Let’s see…1 could cause dizziness and the other could cause headache. Side effects from the medicine I’m taking for the sides effects of chemo. I decided to go with the one that could cause headache because I take take something for a headache. Being dizzy makes me throw up. Have you noticed the chain of events here. I have chemo which makes me sick so I take something for nausea which gives me a headache so then I have to take something for a headache. I’m telling you it’s a racket! The FDA will never release the cure for cancer because PHARMACEUTICAL companies depend on people like me to stay in business!

My first lease came in at 11:45 and we finished by just after noon. I had to go do a lock check and police the area but I really wasn’t feeling much better. No headache but still feeling sick. So I went to the bank instead. I came back and did a few little things around the office and it was about 1:30 when I realized I felt better. So off in my golf cart I went to do a lock check. By 2 I was back in the office with a wet towel on my neck, the door locked and a fan blowing in my face. Nosedive! Rylee sent his little pillow with me this morning so I clocked out, set my alarm for 30 minutes and I was out like a light and drooling when my alarm went off 30 minutes later. Oh…and the headache had arrived. For the rest of the day I sat with my head down and just kept my eyes closed as much as possible. I had phone calls and one person came in because he couldn’t get in the gate but other than that things were quite. 6 o’clock took its time but finally arrived and I was ready to go home. Unfortunately I had a couple of stops to make but was actually feeling just tired and not sick.

As I sit here tonight I realize life as I knew it will be different for a while. I think if I would have given myself another day in bed then tomorrow would be even worse than today was. I just have to get out and do a little bit at a time and rest when I need too. Oh, one thing I forgot to mention, Melanie came by to bring me some ginger ale and because her husbands had the flu I couldn’t hug and kiss her like I normally would have. I thought she was just going to drop it at the front door and let me know it was out there so when she peeked around the corner I got really emotional. I feel like I’m a monster with some crazy plaque or something. I can’t hug my daughter, I can’t see my granddaughters (because their dads have been sick) shoot I can’t even kiss my husband right now. He’s been eating pineapple and got one of those sores on his lip. Right now when I need love and affection more than ever before…I can’t have it. If it wasn’t for Rylee and my puppies, I’d really be a mess!

So enough now. I need to get to bed so I can go back to work tomorrow for what I pray will be a better day.

Nightloveyousweetdreamslater!

Be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme

Well, it didn’t start out real good. I got up around 10and ate scrambled eggs Rylee fixed for me. Then back to bed but I got a call that they were going to meet me at my dads to pick up the things we donated to the Rummage Sale in August. So I had to get up and get in the shower and get ready. Not usually a big deal but I was still feeling the nausea. We got over there and back home in a hour or so. They followed us home to pick a few things here. I was feeling a little yucky but I had a friend I hadn’t see in a very long time coming by.

A little after 2pm my door bell rang and it was a Delores. I was a bit embarrassed because my house is such a mess with me being down a few days and bring half of my dads stuff home but she wasn’t here for that, she was here to check on me and she brought me this most beautiful gift.

I was floored. What an amazing gift and hand made by her. I was so touched and of course I cried. When don’t I cry lately? Dolores makes the most beautiful quilts and I have admired them for years! She’s won 1st place at the county fair every year that I’ve been there. Dolores, it’s just beautiful. I love it! Thank you so much!

The rest of my day was low and slow because I HAVE to go back to work tomorrow. Rylee cooked dinner then they went to pick a few things he wants at my dads. And now the house is quiet and I’m going to cut this short so I can say my prayers and go to sleep.

Thanks again for all the prayers. They are very much appreciated.

Be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme

has been awful. At about 5:30am I found myself rushing to the bathroom to throw up. I don’t ever remember feeling this sick. Not with morning sickness or the flu or even when I had food poisoning. Of course how you feel in the moment is always worse then ever before but I promise I’ve never been this violently sick before. I got back to my room and found the bottle of what I thought was the nausea medicine they had prescribed for me and I took one. Then I laid in bed for what seemed like hours wishing I would just go to sleep or die.

I don’t know what time it was but Rylee came in my room and Terry called to check on me at the same time. All I wanted was ginger ale so Rylee ran up to the gas station and got me some. Not having slept much the 2 nights before I did finally go to sleep but as soon as I woke up I was running back to the bathroom. I had no idea what time I took the Rx earlier but I was taking another one. I asked Rylee to make me some toast and then I couldn’t even eat it. I don’t know what I would have done without him here to help me today. Thanks Rylee. I love you a Buddy!

Later in the day I was feeling some better and I got up to see where I’d thrown the bottle of nausea medicine (it rolled off my dresser) only to discover I had not been taking nausea medicine but the ibuprofen the dentist had given me when I had my tooth pulled. Because just sitting up made my stomach churn, I took the correct medicine and slept for the rest of the day.

These to sweet puppies kept me company all day.

The first one is Daisy and she would come and lay her head across my neck and then if I didn’t move she would lick my nose like crazy as if making sure I were breathing. It was annoying but sweet. Gracie, the second picture just needed to be loved on.

Terry went and got us dinner. I just wanted chicken noodle soup so he went to Chick Fli A. I ate what I could and tried to watch some tv with him but it didn’t last long and I was back in bed. Now here it is after 1am Thursday morning and my body is hurting from being in bed all day, I can’t sleep and the nausea medication is wearing off. I am supposed to work tomorrow so I really need to get back to bed but if I didn’t do this now, it wasn’t going to get done.

I truly believe there is a cure for cancer out there. It breaks my heart to think that people would rather keep the pharmaceutical companies running and happy then giving people like me what I need to survive, instead of putting me (us) through this hell. What will it take?

Thank you for all of your prayers. They have been well received and welcomed.

As I told my friend KC I would offer up this first chemo and all that comes with it for the women making and serving on this weekends Cursillo. DeColores Ladies! I love you all!

Be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme

It’s in the books. It’s 10:40pm and I have had a very good day. Compared to all the horror stories I’ve heard about the day after chemo, I’m in shock. I truly have to chock it up to your prayers for me. I was told to expect to feel sick and tired and not be able to eat much because everything would taste metallic…and none of it happened. I didn’t sleep very good but that could be because if the stout steroid I was given before treatment. And I had a headache most of the night until I finally got up and took something. All in all today was a good day!

Rylee was my companion all day just in case things did go south. Our first stop was to my favorite jewelry store, Jewelers On Main, to get some earrings repaired. Well me being the woman I am, I had to look around too. They have a case of old silver jewelry. In that case was a very dirty and tarnished Miraculous Medal. I asked if I could see it and Brandon brought it out. He didn’t know how old it was but knew it was from Italy. It was different and I’ve been looking for something different for years. I asked the price and he said it was their gift to me for what I’m going through. Yes I cried a little and hugged him real big! Allen the owner cleaned it up for me and put it on my chain with my St. Peregrine medal. Wanna see it?

Isn’t it beautiful. I wish I had a before picture, the only thing you could see was the blue. I am so blessed.

Our next stop was at the St. Therese Catholic Church where we dropped off 4 huge bags of clothes for their annual rummage sale. August 3rd is a pre sale for $5 donation from 4pm to 8pm. August 4th is free to get in and starts at 7:30am to 12pm with a $5 fill your bag sale from 12:30pm to 1pm. We have found some amazing things at these sales. We go every year! If you have any things you just want to get rid of, here’s your chance. Let me know and I’ll give you the ladies number.

Our next stop was at our pharmacy HealthSmart off of Williamson Rd. Doug Balog is the owner and a friend and he sells our honey. Rylee and I dropped off several cases of honey and spent a few minutes talking to Doug. He said he liked my hair. I think I’m getting use to it! Thanks Doug. Doug was Rylee’s baseball coach for a couple of years and we’ve always liked doing business with him with our prescriptions and our honey! Nice people!

Next stop was Walmart for just a few things and we got a few laughs at a really rude lady who “needed some gel”. I guess I was in her way and she got huffy with me so I tried to move and the same time someone else got in her way. Her response was just funny to Rylee and I. I guess you had to be there. Facial expressions were priceless!

Our last stop was at the oncologist office for a shot to boost my white blood cell count. I got to go back and see Madison and I gave her a token with a Daisy on it telling her she was special. She was really surprised and gave me a huge hug. She couldn’t believe how well I was doing and was excited for me. We visited a few minutes and we left. On the drive home I told Rylee I was feeling tired and I wanted to lay down for just an hour. When I got up we went to Cicis pizza for dinner. The people who worked there were so rude. No smiles, no eye contact and the food was awful. Why Ive been craving Cicis I have no idea. Lol yes I do…it’s the cinnamon rolls. Darn good thing they were good. We won’t go back again though. Then I checked their google rating and it was 2.4. Enough said!

We ended the evening at my dads house picking up a few things and getting ready for the Church to pick up what’s left. I can’t wait to be finished with that place. It’s almost done.

So thank you for your prayers. They are working! Please keep them coming! So many blessings today and you are one of them! So I pray that you will…

Be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme

When I woke up this morning, my stomach hurt and I just wanted to cry. I guess it was a good thing I over slept because I didn’t have time to cry. I fried some bacon and ate a sandwich on the way here. We got here at around 10:45 and saw Karen the PA and another nurse for my vitals. Then back to the chemo room. I was going to take a picture but the place was pretty full and I wasn’t going to post pictures of strangers. Then Brandy came and accessed my port and drew blood. Finally it was just Terry and I and he said are you ok and I started to cry, and so did he. We got a blessing when a group of kids from camp at Bethel Presbyterian in Huntersville (rising 5th and 6th graders) came in with cases of ginger ale and snacks and a little gift for each person.

Inside there are ginger and peppermint teas, mints, cough drops and a card for a free milkshake. This also made us both cry.

My company for this session.

Madison came by a few minutes ago and went over my blood work. She said everything looked really good. About noon she started my nausea medicine and a steroid. Here is Madison. She’s a sweetheart!

She’s very sweet and has explained everything to us and stayed as long as we had questions. It’s 12:31pm now and we are just waiting for the nausea meds to get in and then she’ll start the chemo. So now we wait.

It’s 2pm and Madison just “PUSHed” in “The Red Devil” aka: Adriamycin which by the way is going to make me pee red! Pictures to follow…lol

It was a three popsicle process! This drug causes mouth sores but if you eat or suck on something cold before during and after it keeps the sores from coming. The small things can be big things when you’re going through this crap. I got to eat 3 peach Outshine popsicles. YES…I’ve been a very good girl! That process took about 20 minutes from the first popsicle to the last. This is Madison pushing in the Adramycin:

Three popsicles was a shock to my sensitive teeth. It was hurting up into my sinuses. Thank goodness for Tylenol. It took about 30 minutes but it has calmed down. At about 2:20 Madison started the second type of chemo called Cytoxan. It will take about 30 minutes to complete and I’ll get to go home. I’m ready!

Notice I’m using my new blanket Margaret! I love it!

We finished around 3 pm and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be of course, but most of the bad stuff comes after the treatment. I’ll let you know how I am later and in the next couple of days. But of course you’ll be reading it all at one time.

We came home and cooked an early dinner and now we are going to print labels so I can deliver honey tomorrow…I hope!

It’s after 8pm and the boys have been at Boy Scouts. I have been texting family and friends but I’m loosing toe awake battle and need to fine my way to my bed.

I don’t know if this has been helpful at all. I hope you could tell that it was emotional for both of us. We had a few time were humor found its way in and then the delicious 3peach popsicles were important but ended up KILLING my teeth? Next time I’ll take 2 Tylenol before the frozen delights and maybe something after too. That really was the worst part. All in all, I’m pleased at the way things went. Everyone was so nice and made sure I was comfortable and that we knew EVERYTHING they were doing and why. Madison even went over everything plus that we might have questions about.

I’m off to bed. Thank you all for your prayers for my family and I. They are felt I promise you. We love you all!

Be blessed,

Diana

#standbyme