Just when I’m starting to feel normal again, I had to go in for my blood work today. In 3 sleeps I will be back in the chemo chair for another dose of poison. PoisonS! I’m not going to lie, I started feeling pretty sorry for myself. I started thinking about how sick I got and dread pored over me. Then my office door opened and a customer I’d talked to earlier came in to pay his bill. He was very nice and I realized my 5 star customer wasn’t coming through. I wasn’t being me! I apologized and took his payment. Then he asked me if I was ok. I said, ” if I’m not, I will be.” We talked about our families, ups and downs and I told him what was going on with me and he offered to pray for me. I then offered to pray for his brother who he told me has turned away from God. I wrote his brothers name (Brian) in my personal journal. We talked a few more minutes and I realized my spirits had been lifted. We spoke about people who have no faith and how do they deal with the troubles when they come. What do you have without faith? You have fear. Where does Satan live? In your fear! Well I’m not going to be driven by fear. I’m hear to tell you, it is by Grace I have and will be saved! There is no other way I’ll have it.
And my day just got better from there! My two eldest, Joey and Melanie, came to see me. And my sweet granddaughter too. It was nice to have them there although they didn’t stay long. I sat there the rest of the day and thought about the crazy mix of emotions I had just experienced and how grateful I was that the negative feeling had been nipped in the bud right away. It is in our own doing, our thinking, our make up to live a positive life or a negative life. And when negative or bad things come our way it’s how we handle them that shows ourselves and others who we are. I will not let this bump in my journey change who I have worked so hard to become. My mentor has taught me to have no emotion. When good things happen use them for a catalyst to move forward and when bad things happen, show no emotion, don’t let it effect the person I’ve come to be. Don’t let it take me backwards…use it for a catalyst to move possibly in a different direction but keep moving forward. Moving backwards is not an option. And as long as I’m upright, I will fight this with Grace, faith and positive thinking until I’m on the other side of this bump in my journey.
Now I’m not saying there won’t be challenges along the way. I know next week and in the weeks to come I’m not going to feel good some days. In those times, I think I’ll take a nap! Maybe for 2 days like last week! Nothing negative ever came from a nap that I can recall!
Stay positive my friends and maybe someone will see you and say…I want what they’ve got.
Be blessed,
Diana
#standbyme
Cancer Sucks 