Breaking point

Again last night I couldn’t go to sleep. My head hurt, my stomach hurt, my heart was racing and I was extremely tense. I just couldn’t relax. I was so uptight even after doing the whole body muscle release exercise my neck was still tight as a drum. I finally fell asleep but it wasn’t long before the alarm was going off to make sure Rylee was in the shower and I laid back down.

Once again my mind was racing. Then I realized, I’m afraid of my next treatment on Monday. I’m trying to get ready for a camping trip. I’m trying to get ready for a vendor show but the elephant in the room is Monday and I can’t concentrate on anything but. As I’m leaving for work I sent Terry a text and told him I was making an appointment to go talk to my oncologist or his nurse practitioner. Something had to fix this. I was a wreck! When I finally got through to someone and she said, what do you need to see him for, I fell apart! I tried to explain but I’m sure I sounded like an idiot! But I didn’t care. I needed to talk to someone and it had to be today! She said we’ll see you at 3.

I got to work and it wasn’t easy to turn off the tears. As hard as I tried, they just kept coming. At about 11:30 my boss showed up to auction off a few units that hadn’t been paid. He didn’t stay long but asked how treatment was going and how I was feeling and I let him know I had an appointment at 3 and I’d let him know after.

I’m in the room and Karen, the nurse practitioner, comes in and she’s asking me questions and I’m thinking I sound like a looney tunes but she says, you are not crazy, I’ve never heard of these things happening to this extreme but it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I’m thinking…yea, tell me about it. I told her all about the muscle spasms, the achy joints and the crazy bee stinging sensation. And I added that last evening and this morning my heart rate was racing and how bad it scared me. She reminded me I was not crazy and that she would talk it over with the doctor and they would come up with a plan but that she didn’t want me to spend anymore time afraid of treatment. They were going to find a solution.

I walked out feeling so much better. Actually, I felt better that morning just knowing I was going to get to talk to someone about it! The mind is so powerful but sometimes it’s not in your best interest.

I talked to Terry when I got home and if I’m not happy with what they decided to do, I’m going to say so. I’ll call them Thursday and see what the game plan is!

My blessing for today was finding peace of mind.

Be blessed,




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